March 2022 Archives
Guest Post: Is it Time to Forgive? by Tricia Goyer
Sony’s Comments: I feel like I have done my share of forgiving in my 48+ years of life and, honestly, I’d like to not have to keep doing so. In the past couple months, I have been once again given the opportunity to forgive someone. It is not easy, and I’m still working through it, but with God’s help, I trust that I will. I think I have only shared one or two guest posts in the history of my blog, but when I saw the title of Tricia Goyer’s recent email, I knew I needed to read it. If you have lived for any length of time, you have most likely been hurt by someone. Probably by someone close to you. I hope you were able to forgive that person, squelching the root of bitterness that wanted to take hold. With Tricia’s permission, I am sharing her thoughts from her recent email. I pray you will take them to heart.
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I’ve never watched a hockey game, but recently a friend explained the penalty box to me. He explained that if a player commits a personal foul in ice hockey, he is sent to the penalty box. Having a player in the penalty box hurts the whole team. They are short-handed and miss out on the player’s skills.
Like in hockey, sometimes we send people who hurt us to the penalty box. We want them to “pay” for what they’ve done, yet we forget that we’re also hurting ourselves. Instead of confronting the other person and seeking to work together to make things right, we will often push the other person away or pull away ourselves. And unlike hockey, there is no set time limit to when people can get out of the penalty box. I’ve heard stories of family members or friends missing out on years of each other’s lives over minimal offenses. Instead, it’s much better to forgive.
Many of us don’t understand forgiveness. It does not mean forgetting that something wrong was done. It’s not saying that the other person’s action didn’t matter. Instead, forgiveness is “giving” the other person’s wrong action to God and letting Him deal with it. It’s handing it over and saying, “This was wrong, and it hurt, but I’m giving it to you now to handle.” It’s not easy to forgive, yet it’s often even more challenging to keep someone in the penalty box and miss out on the relationship. More than that, learning to forgive well now will help us in every relationship, including marriage. Especially marriage. Learning to forgive and seek forgiveness gives us a tender heart instead of one surrounded by high walls.
Forgiveness isn’t just something good to do. It’s something that will transform our hearts more and more every time we give others over to God for him to handle. It’s allowing God to turn hurt into healing in our relationships.
Who do you need to forgive by turning their offense over to God to handle? Then, what can God do in and through you once you are free?
Prayer:
Father God, I understand forgiveness, but I admit that I often want to fight it. I know I’m supposed to forgive, but I can’t do it alone. God, can You help me forgive now so that my heart will be tender in every relationship? I trust that when I hand things over to You, You will deal with them according to Your wisdom. Thank You for handling the things that hurt me. I pray You will give me a tender heart. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus. Amen.
Tricia Goyer is a wife, homeschooling mom of 10, and author of over 80 books. You can connect with Tricia at www.TriciaGoyer.com.
CD Report: High Road (High Road)
When you hear the term “bluegrass,” you may think of groups like The Lewis Family or, more recently, The Primitive Quartet. However, bluegrass comes in various forms and styles as it has more to do with instrumentation than vocals. I would liken High Road to an Allison Krauss-type bluegrass: smooth harmonies singing easy listening songs while throwing in an instrumental number as well.
Although this group was founded in 2013, I just became aware of them a few years ago. Produced by Ben Isaacs, they sing a variety of songs, some of which will be familiar, but you will also hear a couple of new songs written by the group’s founder, Sarah Davison. I encourage you to check them out if you are not already a fan.
Songs included are: Nothing at All; Faith, Hope & Love; High Road; It’s You; Snake River Reel; Second Chances; Faithful Again; Precious Lord, Take My Hand; Two Coats; and The Day I Got Saved.
The Golden Rule
It saddens me when people do things out of spite, selfishness, or just to be mean. Many quarrels could be ended with one act of kindness but too often, people are focused on their own hurts and feelings that they don’t even try to put themselves in another’s shoes.
We live in a society where the emphasis is on not being walked over, pushed around, etc. Yet Christ taught us to turn the other cheek, to pray for those who persecute us. I don’t believe that this requires anyone to remain in an obvious abusive situation, but I will say that people get offended way too easily and, often, that offense leads to actions that do not honor God.
A number of years ago, I began to question certain things in order to discern right from wrong. I decided that, if the response to a situation was not clearly outlined in Scripture, a good rule of thumb is to follow Matthew 7:12:
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
I realize that this does not always work. For myself, a latte and a hug from a friend does wonders to cheer me up while others detest coffee and really are not that huggy so these things would not bring comfort to them at all. Some people want to be left alone when they are in a valley while others wish they had someone to talk to. In these cases, a key is knowing a person well enough to minister to them in a way that will cause them to feel love. That said, you cannot often go wrong with basic courtesy.
I knew someone who would attend a church for a while and then become upset with the church and leave. When she left, she disliked everyone who still attended said church. This resulted in her going out of her way to avoid them whenever she could. Every once in a while, someone would see her and go to give her a hug, but she would intentionally keep her arms down to make it known that she was not reciprocating any warm feelings for this person. When asked about this later, she replied that she didn’t want to be a hypocrite, but the saddest part was that many of these people did not do anything to her. She just held them guilty by association.
I don’t believe that it is ever wrong to show love to someone no matter how much they have hurt you. If the offense was serious, you don’t need to be friends with the person, but it should be a rare occasion that you would be rude. Don’t lie to a person and say “Good to see you” if you’re not happy to see them, but it’s not wrong to nod an acknowledgement in passing or at least smile as you walk by.
When you feel your anger start to get the better of you and you want to punish someone for how they have “hurt” you, ask yourself how you would want them to respond to you. For myself, I want to receive forgiveness and mercy when I do things that annoy others. I want people to bear with me when I drop the ball. Therefore, I want to show these traits to others. Jesus said:
For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. ~Matthew 7:2
This isn’t talking about righteous judgment, but rather harsh judgment and retaliation. We are to shine God’s light here on earth, and we can’t do that if we are busy focusing on ourselves and our “rights.” The world does a good enough job at this, but it does not befit a Christian.
Your Choices Matter
I don’t remember if I wrote on this topic recently or if I just thought about it, but it bears repeating. Your choices do not just affect you. They affect those close to you as well. I do not have tolerance for people who blame their actions on others, but I have also begun to understand how others’ actions do affect those around them.
For example, if you abuse your child, it would be wrong for your child to abuse his child even though his reaction is most likely due to built-up anger accumulated from his childhood. However, if you were to get control of your anger and stop abusing your child, she would most likely parent differently when her time came. I’ve heard parents make the statement, “They didn’t learn that from me,” but whether they learned their exact behavior from you or are acting out for another reason, it’s possible that something from their childhood has contributed to the decisions they are making today.
I see this especially in divorce cases. Moms and dads are so focused on their own hurts and their anger towards each other that they don’t realize how it is affecting the children until the children begin to act out, and they can’t figure out why. So they blame each other which only makes things worse. Putting others’ needs before our own isn’t easy, but it is the way of Christ.
Just like I would still tell young people that they cannot blame others for their actions, I would tell adults to weigh the things you say and do. Others are watching and, whether you like it or not, they may follow in your footsteps.
I hate that everything needs disclaimers these days, but I expect this post does. I know parents who did the best they could to love each other and their children, and they still suffered heartache. I am in no way blaming you for every decision your child makes. But I do think that it’s important to humble yourself before the Lord and ask Him to show you if you have contributed in some way to your child’s view of God or of you. If you have, then don’t hesitate to acknowledge it and ask for forgiveness. If you still feel like you did the best you could to honor God in your marriage and parenting, then rest in that and continue to show God’s love to your wayward child. Above all, don’t stop interceding. God is the only One who is able to change the hardest of hearts.
Why Should I Worry or Fret?
If you watch the news or go out at all, you will find plenty of reason for worry. Gas prices continue to rise (as do flights and everything else that is affected by a gas hike), things that were already over-priced cost even more now, there is talk of war in other countries. It can be easy to think that we are gearing up for an end-time apocalypse. These are the times that we should turn off the TV and read God’s Word.
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10
So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” ~Hebrews 13:6Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ~Luke 12:27
He holds the future in the palm of His Hand,
And He has never failed me yet,
I know He is reigning and still has control,
So why should I worry or fret?
