Tips for Resolving Conflict in Relationships
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight ~Romans 12:16.
I have come to the conclusion that the majority of people do not value relationships as they should. People are the only things we will take to Heaven with us so why do we treat them as if they are dispensable? I expect that it is due to not wanting to humble ourselves in order to work things out, especially if it’s possible that we are the ones in the wrong. It is easier to hold a grudge. Many avoid these issues by not becoming close to others, but that isn’t the answer either. The fact is that, in true relationship, you will more than likely encounter bumps along the way; however, if your desire is to maintain those friendships, let me offer some tips.
1. Don’t take offense. I believe the number one reason people separate is due to taking offense, and I expect many times, they have no real reason to be offended. I hate to admit it but women especially are good at reading into things, interpreting things a certain way, and stewing over them. Instead, we should take James’ advice to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
2. Ask Questions. This is an area that is hard for me but one in which I wish to grow. Asking questions is one way to keep from becoming unnecessarily offended. If someone does something to upset you and you think it was intentional, ask her why she did it. You may find that it was totally innocent. Listen with an open heart, believing the best.
3. Talk It Out. Regardless of the motive, if you are not able to let a situation go, go to the person that you are upset with and let him or her know how you feel about what they did. But give your friend the opportunity to explain and apologize. Your motive should be to reconcile. If he feels that his action was justified, then you need to decide if you can agree to disagree. If not, you may need to get counsel from someone you trust to evaluate if the situation is as bad as you think it is or if you need to pray for a change of heart.
4. Be Honest. I believe a big key to having a healthy relationship is honesty. If your friend asks if you are upset with him or her and you are, do not deny it! It will be a lot harder to go to her later. If you don’t want to talk about it, then say something like, “Yes, I am but I can’t talk about it right now. I will let you know when I’m ready. Meanwhile, please pray for me.” A friend like myself will probably push to know what’s wrong but some may give you your space until you are ready to discuss the issue.
5. Pray. Most importantly, pray over the situation. Pray that God will keep you from becoming bitter. Pray that He will soften the heart of the person who has wronged you. Pray for His mind to show you how to handle the situation. You do not want to have regrets about the things you said or did.
I know that these things are not easy. I prefer to work on myself first. If I can let it go without any form of confrontation, that is my preference. (I hate relational conflict!) If there is an issue that won’t stop nagging at me, I pray for strength to talk to the person who offended me. More often than not, being able to talk over a matter brings a sense of resolution and lets me know that the relationship is okay. It’s amazing how quickly this can turn turmoil into peace.
There are some relationships that you will need to let go of. The key is to discern which relationships fall into that category and which are worth fighting for. A little conflict does not automatically negate a relational divorce. Regardless of which path you take, make sure that you honor God in everything you do and say.
Happy Thanksgiving 2018!
My dear readers, I just wanted to take a minute to wish you all a very blessed Thanksgiving. Thank you for the blessing you have been to me and for the encouragement to continue to write and share what God lays on my heart.
Life is not always easy, and one can lose sight of what we have to be thankful for, but a Christian should never draw a blank in that department. If you are going through today just biding your time and waiting for the day to end, ask God to open your eyes to even the smallest blessings. I’ve no doubt that they’re there. You all are among the blessings that I am thanking God for today.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash
Les Beasley Passes Away
This morning, I awoke to the news that another southern gospel icon has gone on to Heaven. Although I’ve seen Les at the National Quartet Convention, I didn’t really know him. My impression of him was a man who loved people and always took time for them no matter how busy he probably was. He always seemed to be smiling. My heart goes out to those who were close to him. Please pray for the Beasley family and all those who knew and loved him.
How to Make the Most of Your Quiet Time
On Sunday, I wrote a devotional for Music Scribe on the importance of slowing down and spending quality time with the Father. Although time is a large factor as to why many don’t take the time they should to really get to know Him, I expect that a lot of people (Christians included) don’t really know how to do so. Following is a list of some things that I have found to be helpful in having a productive quiet time with Him.
Worship. I find that my best time with the Lord comes when I begin by worshiping Him. When I get out of bed in the morning, right after I get my coffee, I put on a CD and begin to get ready for my day. I sing along. I praise Him while the music plays. Sometimes I sip my coffee and just listen to the words, letting them speak to me.
Pray. After my CD ends or I turn it off, I continue to praise the Lord, thanking Him for His goodness, another day to serve Him, strength to do the work He has called me to do, anything else that comes to mind, answers to prayer, etc. Then I ask Him to open my heart to hear what He desires to speak to me through His Word.
Read. I have done read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plans but, more often than not, I just read one chapter a day. I would rather get something out of what I read than to read through it quickly. After I read a chapter, I will go back over it, prayerfully asking the Lord to show me whatever I need to get out of that day’s reading. Last month, I also began underlining the commands in Scripture that stuck out to me. This would be a good way to find them if you later want to remember how God desires His people to live. If you are reading the Bible in a year, I would recommend going back through and studying at least one of the chapters you just read so that you have something to ponder throughout the day.
Listen. After reading and focusing on the Word of God, take some time to be still and listen in order to hear what God desires to speak. I am easily distracted, so it works best for me to sit on my balance ball and look up into the sky. I keep my Bible open before me so that, if my mind starts to wander, I can bring it back by focusing on another portion of Scripture and then praying over it, continuing to listen all the while.
Pray again. Once I have finished all of that and I’m ready to start my day, I take a few more minutes to pray. I ask for His help with anything He has shown me that I need to change. If He has laid someone on my heart to pray for that morning, I will do it then. I ask for strength and wisdom as I go through my day, that I will know what He desires me to do. If I know I will be editing that day, I ask that He will help me to find the errors in the manuscript and have wisdom to know how to correct them. If we have seminars or conferences coming up, I ask that He will bless those, sending people who need to hear the message we bring, and that He will give us the words to speak to each person we encounter. I could go on but you get the point.
Time with God is not something we should dread. When you were dating your spouse, I suspect you talked for hours about any and everything. God is willing to listen to whatever is on your heart as well. The more time you spend with Him, the more you will look forward to this uninterrupted time together.
My purpose in writing this is not to draw attention to my prayer life, and I’m not saying that everyone needs to use this formula, but I do want to encourage you to create a formula that works for you and do not forsake meeting with Him on a daily basis. If you only have limited time during the day, break it up. Maybe take 15 minutes to study the Bible before you head out the door … then take another 15 minutes to pray during your first break … whatever works for you. Just make sure that you make the most of the time you have.
Book Review: More Than the Music (Bill Gaither)
I debated on whether or not to call this a book review since it is as much about Bill as a person as it is about the book, but since the book was the inspiration for this post, I suppose it could fit into the “review” category.
I grew up listening to the Bill Gaither Trio and, although I have only ever met Bill briefly, I respect him. As I read his autobiography More Than the Music, there was very little that I did not already know but it was nice to hear Bill’s perspective on some of the rumors that have gone around in the last 40 years or so. I know Mr. Gaither is not perfect, and I don’t agree with him on everything, but I believe that he desires to please the Lord in the way he lives his life. I appreciated his honesty in sharing his struggles while giving glory to God for his successes. There were even times that he admitted that he wasn’t sure he made the right decision in some areas but he did what he felt was right.
As one acquires fame, it is easy to forget those who helped to pave the way for that acclaim. In 1993, Mr. Gaither chose to show honor to the southern gospel singers whose heydays had ended and who, in some cases, were struggling. He also created a renewed excitement for a genre of music that many did not know existed, and he continues to do so to this day.
I think what has impressed me the most though is his support of Gloria. I hardly ever hear him mention an accomplishment without prefacing it with “Gloria and I …” He is also quick to admit that he is not the greatest singer, but he knows how to find good singers and, when he does, he provides opportunities for others to hear those talents too. I expect there are more people singing today because of Bill Gaither than I realize.
Only God knows the heart but if I could summarize Bill Gaither by what I’ve seen, it would be a humble encourager. This book has reminded me of what I would like to aspire to as well.
You Do Not Have a Free Pass to Sin
I’ve been so burdened lately. I see people who claim to be Christians doing unGodly things, and it breaks my heart. Many are raised to believe that once you pray the sinner’s prayer, Jesus comes in and forgives your sins and it doesn’t matter what you do from there on out because “it’s all under the blood.” Friends, this is not the Gospel. Jesus came to set us free from sin, not give us a free pass to sin.
In Romans 6:1, Paul asks, “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?” He goes on to answer his own question, “God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?”
I think the biggest problem in today’s society is that we are very me-centered. It’s easy to acknowlege God on Sunday as we strive to look good to those around us, but how do we act the rest of the week?
We also like to compare ourselves to others since that can boost our ego as well but, if we would look into the mirror of Scripture, we would realize that we are selfish and proud and vile apart from God. This should send us to our knees, crying out to Him for mercy and asking Him to change us instead of feeling pretty good about ourselves. Rather than doing that, we feel like as long as we’re happy, that’s all that matters. What about whether or not God is happy with us?
We are only a little over two months away until the end of another year. I would like to enter 2019 closer to God than I’ve ever been. This can only happen through putting off “the sin which so easily besets us” and running “with endurance the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1). Let’s not lose sight of the goal. It is not our happiness. It is God’s holiness and making Him known to those around us. Let us be lights in everything we say and do instead of stumblingblocks.
Photo by Samuel Martins on Unsplash
CD Review: Hope for All Nations (Karen Peck & New River)
This CD review is late because, although I wrote it a long time ago, I apparently never posted it. I feel bad about that but I decided better late than never since this was another great CD from Karen Peck and New River.
The first song you’ll hear is the catchy, encouraging, toe-tapping Love Will Never Give Up.
Next is the popular song Hope for All Nations.
My favorite song on this project is I Know I’ll Be There. I don’t know about you, but I long for that day.
Other songs include: Who He Is, What He Does; The Reason; Gotta Be Saved; I’ll Keep on Praying; The River; Victory is Mine; God’s Got a Blessing; All You Need; and I’m Gonna Love My Neighbor (with guest vocalists The Isaacs, Greater Vision, Jeff and Sheri Easter, The Bowling Family, Triumphant, and The Whisnants).
Happiness vs. Holiness
A while back, I was thinking about how much worldly thinking the Church has adapted. We no longer go to Scripture to learn right from wrong. Now we take a poll to see what others think. If our friends (real or virtual) will support us, we feel fine about doing what we want to do.
Marriage is one area that people take way too lightly. Malachi 2:16 tells us that God hates divorce and yet, if at least one spouse isn’t happy, it’s commonly accepted to divorce and find someone who will make you happy. Although God does not want you to be miserable, your happiness is not His primary concern. He desires you to be holy. Holiness can only come from walking in the Spirit and obeying His Word, even when it is difficult to do so.
Like most single women, I would love to marry one day. However, in my case, obedience comes in rejoicing in the state I find myself in, seeking to know how to best serve my Savior. I am aware that I have more time to spend with God, and more time for myself, than married people do so I pray to not take that for granted.
Holiness itself is often despised and made fun of by believers who view it as legalism, when the reality is that they love their life and their “freedom.” They don’t want to give up their movies or their music so if someone else doesn’t indulge in those things, they scoff at them. First Corinthians 10 talks about people who have liberty to do things that others do not. We are to walk in grace with those people.
Second Corinthians 10:12 tells us that comparing ourselves with others is unwise. The Word of God is our standard. It is in the pages of God’s Word that we realize that we truly are sinners in need of a Savior. He is the One who gives us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). We need to cry out in repentance, “God, help me to love the things that You love and hate what You despise. Get my focus off of myself and my happiness on to You and Your holiness!” In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
Concert Review: The Hoppers (8/23/18)
I first saw the Hoppers in August of 1990. A man who had tuned our piano asked if my brother and I would like to go with him to a concert, and I jumped at the opportunity! Mostly I was impressed that the man had kept his word that he would take me to a concert sometime. Too many people say things like that but never follow through. Although I have seen them a number of times since, I never tire of watching Claude, Connie, Dean, Kim, Mike, and Karlye sing.
Six weeks ago, I had the opportunity to see them again. Only this time, it was my dad that went with me. My dad is not a southern gospel fan and used to make fun of the music, so I was very blessed when he seemed to be enjoying himself. He even cracked up at Claude’s jokes. I smiled.
The concert began with Dean, Kim, Karlye, and Mike singing Life Is Good, If We Ever Gotta Look and God Already Knew. I don’t remember when Claude and Connie joined them, but I think it was on Yahweh. Gary Prim accompanied them on the piano. That is a name I’ve seen on recordings but I don’t believe I had ever seen him in person.
They sang God Bless the USA and then sang a few songs off of their latest project which was published by Gaither Music: I Wouldn’t Take Nothing for my Journey, After a While, and Lord, Lead Me On. Connie then sang I’ve Come Too Far, after which they continued with Yes I Am, Jerusalem, and Something’s Happening. Karlye sang My Ransom, and they ended with Shouting Time.
Kim had a bit of laryngitis which affected her speaking but not her singing. She did a great job.
Encouragement for the Downtrodden
I know it’s been a while since I’ve written. Occasionally, I need a break to refresh and refuel, to focus on God and to discern His truths. In the last couple months, there have been a compilation of little things that brought me down lower than I have been in a long time and yet I know that, even in the midst of everything weighing on me, God was there. I just had to look to Him. I eventually reached out to a few friends that I knew would pray. Their prayers, along with a visit from one of my sisters, helped to lift my spirits, and I marvel once again at God’s goodness. He doesn’t beat me up and leave me there, but He picks me up and carries me until I am strong enough to once again walk beside Him.
Life is not always easy. The enemy will try everything within his power to discourage us or to cause us to stray. But I am so thankful that he has no power except that which is granted him by the Father. He may bring me down, but he underestimates the power of God to raise me back up … stronger than before.
Friend, I don’t know what you are going through. You may be dancing on the mountaintop or you may be in the lowest valley of your life. Regardless of where you find yourself, God is there. He does care. He asks that you cast your burdens on Him, and He desires that you rejoice in His goodness whether you feel like it or not. Satan will not want to stay in an atmosphere of praise. If you are low, I would also encourage you to reach out to someone. Don’t go through it by yourself. You are not less of a Christian to admit that you need help praying through to a place of victory. I think God allows us to get there at times so that we realize how much we need His Body.
If everything is going well for you right now, thank God for it and ask Him to bring people to your mind who need intercession. You never know if your part in the battle is what will finally bring the answer to someone else’s prayers.
