Southern Gospel World
Southern Gospel Reviews and Inspirational Insights

• 4 December 2018

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight ~Romans 12:16.

I have come to the conclusion that the majority of people do not value relationships as they should. People are the only things we will take to Heaven with us so why do we treat them as if they are dispensable? I expect that it is due to not wanting to humble ourselves in order to work things out, especially if it’s possible that we are the ones in the wrong. It is easier to hold a grudge. Many avoid these issues by not becoming close to others, but that isn’t the answer either. The fact is that, in true relationship, you will more than likely encounter bumps along the way; however, if your desire is to maintain those friendships, let me offer some tips.

1. Don’t take offense. I believe the number one reason people separate is due to taking offense, and I expect many times, they have no real reason to be offended. I hate to admit it but women especially are good at reading into things, interpreting things a certain way, and stewing over them. Instead, we should take James’ advice to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19).

2. Ask Questions. This is an area that is hard for me but one in which I wish to grow. Asking questions is one way to keep from becoming unnecessarily offended. If someone does something to upset you and you think it was intentional, ask her why she did it. You may find that it was totally innocent. Listen with an open heart, believing the best.

3. Talk It Out. Regardless of the motive, if you are not able to let a situation go, go to the person that you are upset with and let him or her know how you feel about what they did. But give your friend the opportunity to explain and apologize. Your motive should be to reconcile. If he feels that his action was justified, then you need to decide if you can agree to disagree. If not, you may need to get counsel from someone you trust to evaluate if the situation is as bad as you think it is or if you need to pray for a change of heart.

4. Be Honest. I believe a big key to having a healthy relationship is honesty. If your friend asks if you are upset with him or her and you are, do not deny it! It will be a lot harder to go to her later. If you don’t want to talk about it, then say something like, “Yes, I am but I can’t talk about it right now. I will let you know when I’m ready. Meanwhile, please pray for me.” A friend like myself will probably push to know what’s wrong but some may give you your space until you are ready to discuss the issue.

5. Pray. Most importantly, pray over the situation. Pray that God will keep you from becoming bitter. Pray that He will soften the heart of the person who has wronged you. Pray for His mind to show you how to handle the situation. You do not want to have regrets about the things you said or did.

I know that these things are not easy. I prefer to work on myself first. If I can let it go without any form of confrontation, that is my preference. (I hate relational conflict!) If there is an issue that won’t stop nagging at me, I pray for strength to talk to the person who offended me. More often than not, being able to talk over a matter brings a sense of resolution and lets me know that the relationship is okay. It’s amazing how quickly this can turn turmoil into peace.

There are some relationships that you will need to let go of. The key is to discern which relationships fall into that category and which are worth fighting for. A little conflict does not automatically negate a relational divorce. Regardless of which path you take, make sure that you honor God in everything you do and say.

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