What Every Spouse (and Future Spouse) Needs
Although I am not married, I write on the topic periodically because I am grieved by how many marriages end on a daily basis. For those who are unmarried but desire to be married one day, I encourage you to work on this list now. It can also help to improve other relationships. If your marriage is on the rocks, I hope you will pray over this list and see if there are changes that you can incorporate to improve your situation. You may find that your spouse is not the problem. I don’t write because I have attained–I struggle in these areas myself–but they are Biblical principles that we all must strive for.
Humility – As you’ve no doubt heard me say before, I believe that pride is the root of every relational conflict you or I encounter. Whether the pride is in you, your spouse, or both, it is there somewhere. Humans like to be “right.” They like having their way. If you are not diligent to humble yourself when disagreements arise, you can be sure there will be conflict.
Patience – First Corinthians 13:4 tells us that love is patient and kind. It is very hard to be patient with those you live with. When dating, you may overlook a person’s quirks or idiosyncracies but these can become annoying when you experience them on a daily basis. If something is bothering you, talk with your spouse but do it in a gentle, loving manner. It’s possible that your significant other will be able to change some things to accommodate you. If they can’t or won’t, you must learn to have patience and love them anyway.
Selflessness – Love also does not seek its own way (1 Corinthians 13:5) but it esteems others as better than himself (Philippians 2:3). This is extremely hard to do but, if you want a truly joyful marriage, it is a must. I’ve known marriages that have ended because a husband or wife did not get the “me time” they wanted. Then I hear others complain that their spouse is never around. Everyone’s needs and desires are different so, if you are not yet married but are planning to be, this would be a good topic to discuss before your marriage. Find out what the expectations are and make sure that you are on the same page. If you are already married and struggling with this issue, again, talk it out. See if you can come up with a plan that will allow both parties to receive the time together and the time alone that they need.
I’m very aware that marriage is hard work (every married person I talk to wants to make sure that I know this) but the Bible talks about it as being a good thing and, with God’s help, I believe it can be. Not everyone is called to marry, but if you are, I hope that you will ask God to make you the husband or wife that your spouse needs. Two are only better than one if God is the one bringing them together. If He is, then you must allow Him to do a work in your heart to save your marriage if at all possible. If your spouse walks away anyway, then you can rest in knowing that you did all you could do, and your husband or wife is now in His hands. You may, however, find yourself loving your spouse more than you ever thought possible. God can do so much with a heart truly surrendered to Him.
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