Is Forgiveness Optional?
I have several friends right now who are going through difficult times with people they once had close fellowship with. When a friend or relative turns on you and begins to slander you or in other ways make your life miserable, it is easy to become bitter and to even grow to hate that person. These feelings are not unique to our day.
In Psalm 41:9, David says: “Yes, my own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.” Then again, in Psalm 51:12-14: “For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was you, a man my equal, my guide, and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in company.”
It is never easy to know that someone hates you or is trying to turn people against you but it is even harder when it comes from someone you loved. Jesus Himself experienced this when one of his disciples, who had walked with him for years, turned him over to the Romans to be crucified. As bad as the physical pain was, it must have been magnified by the emotional pain of knowing the perpetrator was one who had been in his inner circle of friends.
When you are being mistreated, the Golden Rule still applies. You must strive to treat that person how you desire to be treated. This does not mean that you pretend there isn’t a problem and open your heart and home to them but it does mean that you refrain from name calling, wishing them evil, slandering them in return, etc. You do not have to let your good be evil spoken of (Romans 14:16), but you must pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44; Romans 12:14) and ask God to help you to love them in spite of what they do to you (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27, 35).
Believe me I know how difficult this can be. I am only sharing what the Word of God tells us in regard to these things. If it were easy to be a Christian, everyone would be one. But, to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48). If you are truly saved, you have been forgiven much, and along with that forgiveness comes the command to forgive others (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).
It can be very hard to control the feelings of bitterness that arise but it will be at least a little easier if you commit that person to prayer. Ask God to save them or to convict their heart. Ask Him to give you a genuine burden for that person. Do not allow that bitterness to fester until it controls you. When that happens, you are no better than they are. Life is short, and you cannot afford to allow your time to be wasted through fretting about what is being said or done to you, and definitely not through retaliation. Draw near to God and continue to follow Him with your whole heart. If you seek Him and His righteousness, He will handle everything else for you. Your enemy may never come around but you will have peace in knowing that he or she can only speak lies about you because you have walked uprightly.
In closing, I would add that, if you have hurt someone, causing them to become bitter, you must humble yourself and ask their forgiveness. They may or may not forgive you but you must repent specifically for wrongdoing on your part. Sometimes persecution comes through no fault of yours. I understand that. But before you can pray about the speck in your Brother’s eye, you must make sure there is not a plank in yours. You may even need to explain the situation to a close friend or family member and get their perspective as to whether you are even partly to blame. Only do this if you honestly want to know since you may not like the answer. As painful as this may be, I am convinced that, if you obey God’s Word in these matters, you will find that peace that passes understanding and will develop a closer walk with God than you ever thought possible.
Is forgiveness optional?
In most cases it is not.
Especially of the person is repentant, and there is fruit thereof.
Biblical fruit, not your own expectations.
But anyways, no, forgiveness is not optional for a Christian.
And having been one sexually abused and physically abuse, and physically abused even by a principal. I know something of the power and freedom of forgiveness and also something of the cost and bitterness it embeds in us when we do not.
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Unforgiveness is likely a dangerous symptom of never really having tasted of the forgiveness of God for ones self. Nor understood the vastness of the forgiveness, or level of our wretchedness before being saved, being forgiven.
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Thus the warning Jesus makes of the seriousness of the issue.
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“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
(Matthew 6:14-15)
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“Then Peter came to Him and said,
“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
Up to seven times?”
Jesus said to him,
“I do not say to you, up to seven times,
but up to seventy times seven”
(Matthew 18:21-22)
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“And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant,
as I had mercy on you?’
And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers,
until he should pay all his debt.
So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you,
if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
(Matthew 18:33-35)
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Because forgiveness is not just words, or feelings, but an aspect of love, it is a doctrine which leads to action.
Yes there are steps or parts to this that the Scriptures teach us, not psycho pseudo counseling, but Biblical counseling.
But forgiveness is an aspect of love, of love in action.
Love does what is in another’s best interest, from God’s perspective, even at cost to self.
Therefore Biblical forgiveness always includes;
Redemption, Reconciliation, and Restoration.
Whenever humanly possible.
Sometimes because of death and other such things, the fruit of forgiveness may not be able to fully occur, but the heart of all involved should be to this end, with this in mind as this is directly part of the forgiveness we have received from Him.
Thus from our heart with the fruit and ramifications thereof.
Sadly many today, know nothing of this kind of forgiveness, and as evidenced by everything from what were once amazing fruitful friendships – ruined, to Church splits, ministry’s which have dissolved, divided families, divorces.
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If this applies to any of us today. get right with the Lord and then go get right with that brother or sister, just as Jesus said! No matter what others do, we can only do our part, doing it faithfully and the rest is then in the Lord’s hands. He is faithful!
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“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar,
and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way.
First be reconciled to your brother,
and then come and offer your gift.”
(Matthew 5:23-24)
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“We love Him because He first loved us.
If someone says,
“I love God,” and hates his brother,
he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother
whom he has seen,
how can he love God
whom he has not seen?
And this commandment we have from Him:
that he who loves God must love his brother also.”
(1 John 4:19-21)
Very enlightening. I believe all of this face a situation like this in our life.
Thank you for your shares.